you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
