Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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