carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
