I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
