So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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