Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
