the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you win again, gameday.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
