so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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