and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize