he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
