Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
