My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
