I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize