yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As shirtless as possible
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
