so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All the doctor said was why
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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