I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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