yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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