Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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