I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
