at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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