smell my finger.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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