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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.

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• (772): View more from Florida

  I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."

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• (415): View more from California

  A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs

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