Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
