i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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