just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize