I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
