Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we should paint friendship bongs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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