im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
