Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need water and some morals
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
