oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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