Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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