What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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