it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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