hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
