I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
