theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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