If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
