in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
