we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
