I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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