can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my poor anus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
