Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
