he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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