Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
