he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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