I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just tell him i said nine months
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
