you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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