i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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