i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
