Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize