I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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