He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so that wasnt chicken after all
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
