Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
