You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
