If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
