Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
