The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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