If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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