I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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