I think I won the penis lottery.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
