just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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