Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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