Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
