I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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