i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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