i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
