Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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